Helpful Hints PLEASE!

[Andrea]

My new husband and I recently read the article in US News and World Report about ADD, and together we got me properly diagosed as ADD. Like a bunch of you, I thought I was depressed, or anxious....I previously used drugs in propbably attempts to self-medicate but now I have a bottle of ritalin to start taking TOMORROW.


I'm finding it difficult being married to my husband who begs me to talk to him about the EMOTIONAL aspects of ADD. Problem is, that I don't really have any feelings regarding ADD. I don't know if it's that I don't come from an emotional family or that I am so used to it that I have a hard time talking about how it makes me feel.

I prefer to talk about FUNCTIONAL STRATEGIES to manage ADD. The feeling part really bores me.

So I have two questions:

1. Do YOU have feelings regarding ADD or do you not have many emotions about having attention deficit?

2. Do YOU have any helpful lifestyle strategies to help get and keep me organized? I crave organization but can never stay with it.....

thanks all.

[Becky]

Hello Andrea and welcome!!

This is really interesting to me, becuase usually it is women who want to talk about emotional things and men are the ones who are more functional.

My DH really doesn't say anything about it. He notices changes when I don't take my meds for a day or if I am doing really well, but other than that it is just part of me so it really doesn't come up. maybe because this is a new diagnosis your DH feels like it may be bothering you and wants to know that he is there for you, which is really cool. After you start the meds and if some of the problems you are dealing with start to change it will also become a non-issue for you also.

I guess personally, I don't really have any feelings about having ADD. I am glad that I now realize I am not just a lazy person, because it is much more than that so I guess being dx'd was a good thing. I know it really helped my self-esteem, then I was able to make it a real problem and not a personality flaw. (hope that makes sense, it did to me )

Also as far as organization goes, differnt things work for everyone. First off, Ritalin will help, but it also takes effort on your part. Start off small so you don't get overwhelmed. Maybe decide that for a week you are going to keep all your laundry done, folded, and put away. If you do, reward yourself and then add more.

Another thing that works for me is lists and schedules. I make a list of everything I have to do b/c then it is not all just sitting there staring me in the face. I have prioritized it and given it a set amount of time. Then I move on, otherwise I will hyperfocus and stick with one thing. If I have a hard time getting motivated I will say to myself that if I do 45 minutes worth of work I get X. For me it is usually internet time b/c that is something I miss when I take it away from myself. So after 45 mins of work I get 15 to do whatever I want with.

Also, don't take too much on. Fixing everyone else's problems will only add to yours. If you can't help a friend tell her so, or decide what you can let slid of yours to accomodate her.

And remember, this will take a while. Changes will not happen overnight, but they will if you work at it. Don't feel bad if you get off track. Just tell yourself tomorrow is a new day and start over. I start over a lot!

Good luck...let us know how the Ritalin is working out for you....Becky

[satchiesmom]

Andrea, thanks for asking the question and Becky your answer is so helpful. I was just diagnosed with adult ADHD on Friday and I felt relieved! I am 56 yo and now I finally understand why I never seemed to fit in the world like others seem to. I thought I was just lazy and unable to accomplish anything, I never stayed with a job long, can't sit still for long and get bored very easily. I look forward to the day when I can prioritize a list and get things done. I have my meds appointment on Tuesday and I hope I can get started on something soon. I feel like the oldest person in the world who has ever been diagnosed with ADHD, it even sounds silly when I hear myself say it to my friends. The reactions have been funny. My 80 yo mother said she wasn't surprised and one of my friends said she has to take a nap after being with me for a couple of hours. I didn't know what to think about that one at first! . Anyway I'm glad I found this forum and look forward to discovering more about myself on this journey

[Andrea]

If it makes you feel any better....my 68 year old mother-in-law STILL doesn't know she has ADHD....

As for the nap, WE ADHDers are bundles of energy and life. Some people are slower than we and keeping up with us is not their slow, deliberate way.
I just married a man whose favorite phrase for the first 6 months of our marriage was, "please SLOW DOWN!"


An article I read re: ADHD/ADD said that we have a tendency not to know HOW we affect other people. So, that being said, this may be a great opportunity to ask your friend(s) to share thoughts about your behavior... If you're willing to admit you don't know how you affect others but you're interested in finding out this would be a great step in learning compensetory strategies to cope with ADHD.

What meds are you starting?

If you're got to have a condition, ADHD IS a great one to have.

I'm PROUD of you for accepting your diagnosis.

[Becky]

Andrea you are SO right!

So many other things could be wrong in our lives and this one is managable. So many are not.

I also don't realize how I affect others sometimes. I drive my DH crazy b/c one day I am the Cleaning Queen and the next I am a slug! Or I willl talk to fast that people look at me like I am a nut. I just get excited and don't even realize it. Lucky for me my friends laught about it and will "alert" me to making a fool out fo myself.

It does feel funny saying that I have ADHD, but the cool thing is that we don't have to explain it to anyone else b/c it is none of their business. If we feel comfortable we can tell friends and family, but it is not like having a terminal illness that we have to explain. I like having the power to choose my secret with people or not. And that is how I view it as a secret. I only tell people who love me and are willing to listen with an open heart and mind. If not, they can think I am a crazy lady, they are close to me anyway.

[ted]

I also read the article in US news and world report. I actually cried a little bit. I finally found out what is wrong with me. I am 32 years old and I have achieved very little in my life. I never had a job last for more than a year and I have never really had a successful relationship. I have felt that I was wasting my life away and I didn't know why. I was prescribed Straterra from a doctor. I don't ahve the money to pay for it right this moment but I want to get on it as soon as possible. What should I expect? How do I start to build my life if the medication works?

[Caitlin]

Andrea,

You've gotten some really good advice from some pros already, but I thought I might add my two cents. I don't come from a family that talks a lot about emotions, and its taken me a awhile to notice my emotions more. Adder's tend to be terribly unaware of how they behave, and I think it's probably true that sometimes we are unaware of how we feel because we don't tap into it. I'm not telling you to spend all day in therapy trying to make yourself feel, but I think its something to keep an eye out for, because there could be some stuff under the surface.
Good Luck,
Caitlin - age 26, diagnosed with innatentive ADD 2 years ago

[Sarah]

Ted,

I'm on Strattera and have been for about 3 months now. It helps me a great deal. At first it made my brain feel a little buzzed and super alert but that feeling wore off after a week or so. My ADD sypmtoms are much better now as well. I can make myself focus and do boring repetitive tasks better. I'm on the lowest dose of Strattera at 40mg. My doctor said that higher doses are available if 40mg doesn't work but so far that's all I've needed.
I would also recommend reading a book about ADD (Driven to Distraction is good) because there are a ton of behavioral modifications you can make to manage your symptoms. Drugs are a start but not a cure all. The most helpful thing in the book for me was the suggestion of having a "coach". A coach is someone who you are close to who will help you manage your ADD. Whenever I feel overwhelmed or have a ton of stuff to do, I call my mom and tell her what I have to do and by when. Then she'll call me on the deadline I set and ask if it's done or not. It really helps to be accountable to someone besides yourself. The excuses your tell yourself to procrastinate don't sound as good when you have to tell them to someone else. Good luck!

Sarah

[tmm32579]

HI. The only emotional part about ADD I have is wanting it to be controlled...So i am like you to. I am trying to come up with ways to stay organized...wich i have never been able to do.....I'm supposed to start taking stratera soon....My biggest problem is being focused...I hope that once I can become focused I'll be able to be better organized too. Let your husband know that talking about the emotional side is kind of tormenting actually...all of us who have ADD(my opinion) would just like to get it controlled and let it be. .

[fitz]

Andrea, to answer your first question. I find that having ADD made me less emotional all around. I lived in such a fog that I didn't care about much. There really isn't an emotional side to the disorder for me.

To answer your second question. I use MS outlook and FORCE myself to check and update it everyday. I also send emails to myself and set reminder flags on them for the day before. I also find that keeping the TV off in the evening helps.

I know it may seem a bit overboard, but unless I am relaxing at home, I carry a small, pocket size, notebook and when a though hits, no matter where I am (unless driving..of course) I write it down. I live by the mantra of "If I do not write it down...it won't happen.

If you don't have Outlook, try getting a yahoo mail account and using their personal calendar function.

Also, try a PDA if you dont want to carry the notebook.

Hope this helps. Best of luck.

C

[mynameisdustin]

I believe the feelings your husband is trying to smoke out is any feelings of shame having the disorder. Because before, I was really ashamed that kind of evolved in to emotionless stuff. So I think that is what your husband is looking for.

But luckily, with some therapy and medication, my feelings are back and I am finally able to accept the fact that there is nothing wrong with who I am.

[Andrea]

Thanks for everyone's help.

I carry a PDA and keep my sense of humor and honesty. I found that a short-term use of Ritalin helped me understand what "slowing down"means and now I can do it w/o meds.

I have solved my biggest problem by leaving my husband. It just wasn't a good fit. Plus, this way, I can be solution oriented and can focus on being happy, rather than having to be constantly reminded of my problems and troubles.

Good luck everyone. Above all else, be true to yourself!