Help with Dating Adult ADD

[longe1]

Hi-
I am dating a great guy who has shared with me he has adult ADD. We are totally on the same page and have been very honest, open in our communications - when we are together and face to face. But I am finding a few frustrations in HOW we communicate otherwise - by phone, email etc. He just seems very distant unless I get him "right on topic". Is this ok?

He does not do meds, but is in coaching and behavior mod.

Those of you in relationships like this:
1. Do you have to orchestrate most activities in the relationship?
2. Does your partner really need or want you to do this?

I read a couple posts by folks and heard the words "bossy", "control", "in-charge". That is scary but yet if it is reality I would appreciate some feedback.

I could easily fall in love with this man and just looking for some information and guidance so I might see it coming rather than reacting badly.

Can you help? Thanks in advance.

lc

[addspousesanon]

If I could go back to before my now-failing marriage and do things differently I certainly would do so. I didn't know a thing about ADD then and now know that some people manage well with and others don't. If you want to do some research I can suggest starting with "Driven to Distraction", "Answers to Distraction", and "Delivered from Distraction". The main thing I would have done differently would be to have several candid, long conversations about the challenges in his life in the hope that if you became serious with him you'd know what you're getting into and you'd have a chance to see how well he will do in dealing with these problems and a spouse who has to live with them. Also, if he's not willing to consider some sort of treatment now that's a very bad sign to me.

[michelle74]

i've suspected for along time (a lot of factors in life to mention) that i've had ADD/ADHD as a child, and now as an adult. my suspicions were recently confirmed when i asked my dad (who's a doctor) about it. he told me i had many aspects of it, but not all.
i've found it's especially painful (and hard) when you realize that someone you're really into, doesn't (or might not) feel the same way. i've found that i always have trouble reading (or misinterpreting) a guys's intentions, and it's VERY frustrating. when i think that the guy's really into me, i get very excited and can't stop over analyzing every little detail about his actions and/or words just to make sure i'm not mistaken about them. but if and when i am wrong (which seems to be always), these kind of situations ALWAYS make me feel like a failure. is this kind of behavior typical of adult ADD/ADHD?

[addspousesanon]

Go see a professional and find out for sure. If your father is a doctor and came that close to a diagnosis you probably should see someone who will know for sure and also be able to help you with treatment options. No one who is ADD has all of its symptoms or aspects.