Inlaws from hell

[Becky]

I had the worst weekend I have seen in a long time. My Inlwas were here. Man, they drive me so nuts I could just scream.

First off, I have had some real house keeping/organizations issues in the past, but now I'm doing pretty good. Well, they come to stay at my house and just destroy it! That puts me back at square one, but I can do it again.

Then, they start going on about how we are just "too strict" with our kids. My DS (almost 5) is dx with ADHD, and it is a heck of a lot of H. We have to be super strict b/c he cannot handle situations the way most kids can. He gets really wild if we don't keep close tabs one him. We also have both of our kids on special diets, lots and lots of fiber and very little dairy, and by no means anything with red dye in it. Sends DS around the house like the Tasmainian Devil! So they loaded the kids up on candy and dairy produtcs while we were out. Thanks so much!

Then my MIL goes on about everyone else's kids and how bad they are (hyperactive, violent, sassy, and what-not) but mine are Angels. Why in God's name does she not see it! She is one of those people who make fun of people for evey saying the have ADD. She thinks I take meds b/c I have a sleep disorder!

Well, it was a bad weekend. My kids are acting awful and it will take a few days for them to get all the crap out of their systems that Grandma gave them.

Thanks for listening to my vent, next time I marry an orphan! (JK)

Becky

[Poet]

Hang in there, Becky! In-laws are such a pain sometimes. My soon to be XMIL I think is the devil herself.

She is a total control freak like you could never imagine, and is undiagnosed OCD, but she thinks its a GOOD thing to be that obsessive and that everyone else is just lazy. She thinks I am the laziest, flightiest person on the face of the planet.

One of my last converesations with her was last fall when I was working my last job. I worked for a Hippotherapy center, where they do Speech, OT, and PT therapy on horses for people with mental and physical disabilities or learning problems. Anyway, she says to me "It must be really sad working with all those retards. Where do they all come from, do you think its just Bad Breeding?"

I was so totally offended I didn't know how to respond. For one thing, its one of the most inspiring jobs I ever worked at -- not sad at all -- to see what these kids could do. And they were the full range from very mild to severe. I told her they weren't "retards". She said well whatever.

She compared it to when I worked at the Humane Society, for cripes sake! I said, no, not at all! I don't have to euthanize the kids, and they aren't unwanted."

I couldn't even respond the the "bad breeding" comment. I was so apalled!

Poet

[bluestocking]

Becky, I'm so sorry about your MIL! I think grandparents always think they can do a better job, and there's this bizarre way of thinking about food - "I am giving it to them with love, so there won't be consequences." Hm, OK, so that means that the child's body chemistry won't process the food as it would otherwise!? Riiiiiiiiiiight. And how kind of her to discredit ADD. I never cease to be amazed at folks who act like it doesn't exist.

I also have a less than desireable parent-in-laws. I might share that story one day. Happily, since we've been disowned and DH's mother doesn't ever want to see us again, there won't be any sabotaging of our parenting (once we become parents, that is). She told DH not to contact her when we had kids.

Poet, I sat here SHOCKED when I read your MIL's comment. Just shocked. My autistic 6yo nephew participates in a similar program, and it is far and away the highlight of his life. Possibly the only thing he enjoys in life. And he truly loves loves loves it. I can't imagine doing anything more rewarding. Good for you for standing up to her, and hooray that she'll soon be a distant memory for you.

Becky, I hope it's at least another year before they return to wreak havoc in your house again! Maybe longer.

[Becky]

Poet, that makes me sick that she would say that. I wonder what people think, or rather not think, sometimes. Most people have no idea how loving a child with difficulties can be until you know them one on one, or have one yourself. It is not a burden, you just take it as it goes and do your best. IMHO, people like that come from"bad breeding!"

I wonder if when I have kids-in-law if I will be this bad. I sure hope not. Then again, I know what it feels like so whoever ends up with me will probably love me!! ;D

And yes, my MIL announced that she is comming again on Friday, but she did ask of the kids could stay with her for the weekend. I said yes, but I gave a long list of things that cannot happen, or be eaten, and if she breaks the rules, we are back to no visits for 3 months. I feel mean doing that, but what else can I do?

[Poet]

Becky --

I think you are not being meaqn -- you are taking the right approach to make sure you're kids are able to be their best. Hopefully, the MIL will come to realize the imkpotance of it -- that you do it to protect them, to do whats best for them.

Yeah, my XMIL is really something! I could write a whole book of her antics that would be entertaininbg, and at the same time unbeleivably appalling! She actually predicted our marriage wouldn't work out -- to our faces! So she was right once -- gotta give her that one. But I stood up to her many times over the years, so she thought I was some kind of snotty evil sinner, but thats another story ......

Blue -- the majority of our patients were autistic, mild to severe -- the benefits to them wwere incredible~!

Poet

[bluestocking]

Becky, I don't think you're being mean at all. If the GP are going to be frequent participants in your lives, then it's *entirely* appropriate to set limits. And expect that they'll be enforced. After spending a weekend alone with the kids, they'll no doubt start seeing the advantage to sticking to the limits you're setting.

Maybe you can use the time to wrangle your house back in order. ;-) Or maybe just re-reading your favorite book (what I would do!).

[Mongo]

Hi guys!

I feel lucky after reading these...

My inlaws are true gems. They might have had some odd thoughts about me in the past but I think they have gotten through all that and have accepted me as I am. They have had their own challenges in life and I think that it opened their eyes to things that a lot of other folks never see.

Over the last two years, I lost both of my folks and a younger brother, so the inlaws are all I have left. (aside from ather siblings and my own little family that is...) I am glad they are still around and young enough at heart to enjoy life, kids, grandkids and great-grandkids. Come to think of it... The Mother-in-law's mother is still around... That's five generations!

Now, I find myself in a similar situation. My oldest daughter's ex has only us and my grandkids have only us too. I hope I do right by them like my inlaws have for me.

Papa Mongo